Monday, 19 November 2007

Feeling Numb

Thought it was time for another blog but to be perfectly honest I am just feeling numb at the moment. Last week I physically experienced my skin being put to sleep in order for a mole to be removed....the Doc kept on asking "Can you feel that, can you feel this?" as he prodded me with a needle ... very quickly the answer was "no" and the job was done.

Reflecting on this experience I realise that at the moment this is exactly how I am feeling. Not feeling much at the moment....not sure it self-preservation and protection from all that is being demanded of me at present? Is it just that I have shut down after a manic month of moving out of our building and other pressures? Have I given up? I hope NOT....but that's the point, I just don't know!

This is not intended as an alarm call - if you are a member of our congregation reading this, please don't worry....I am still functioning and love you all to bits....but have to be honest and admit that there is a part of me that has been put to sleep for a while - just praying hard it will wear off SOON !

Is it times like these that I just have to KNOW in my head and heart that I am been carried by God and those who are praying for me? Can I feel that? yes I can !


Liz said...

Hi! Read your blog and went away and then lots of thoughts hit me - I'm sharing just one with you.

The last time I heard someone say they felt numb or that a part of them had died, was when a close family member had suddenly died and not to belittle that kind of profound grief, but maybe you are feeling a sence of bereavement for a part of our corporate identity that has essentially gone...and we have planned for life to go on almost as if nothing has happened, which I guess is right - it's only a building after all - but maybe the upshot is a sence of ...loss?

...and perhaps other people are feeling that way too?

Hope the process is short for you - praying for you :)

Ann said...

Nail on head I think Liz....thanks !
Not just about the building, think there is a bereavement of being in control. Time of readjusting my role etc.

Dawn said...

Need to mail you! That head / heart stuff is SO true.